158 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHES.
from necessity, we do not pretend to know. The bachelor respected his sisters
very much, although in his freaks he called the one Sodm and the other
Gomorrah.
Like most of his contemporary lords of the quill, Macpherson possessed many
‘‘ social qualities ;” but he quaffed so deeply and so long, that towards night
he seldom found his way up the High Street in a state short of total inebriety.
On arriving at the West Bow, and when he came to the bottom of the stair, he
used to bellow to Sodom or Gomorrah to come down and help up their
drunken bother, which they never failed to do ; and, for additional security in
such cases, it is said he generally ascended the stair 6ackwaTds.
Notwithstanding his potations, Macpherson maintained for some time a
degree of respectability, at least, consistent with the laxity of the times. When
associating with the more respectable ban wivants of these his better days, his
favourite saying, before tossing off his glass of claret, of which he was very fond,
used to be, “Here goes another peck of potatoes.”’ Macpherson at length
became, we regret to say, a habitual drunkard. A loss of respectability in his
profession was the consequence ; and from the practice which he followed of
signing Signet letters for very small sums of money, and other low habits of
business, inconsistent with the dignity of the Society, his professional brethren
at last urged him to retire upon an annuity, This, however, his pride would
never allow him to consent to ; and he continued a member of the Society of
Writers to the Signet till the day of his death.
No case, however trifling-no client, however poor or disreputable, was
latterly beneath the legal aid of Macpherson; and no mode of payment, whether
in goods or currency, was deemed unworthy of acceptance. As an instance of his
practice, he was seen one day very tipsy, plodding his way up the West Bow
from the Grassmarket, with an armful of “ neeps ” (turnips), which he had
obtained from some green-stall keeper, in remuneration for legal services performed.
Not being able to maintain a proper equilibrium, his occasional
“bickers” at last unsettled ,his burthen ; one or two of the turnips, like
Newton’s apple, found the centre of gravity, and in attempting to recover
these, nearly the whole of his armful trundled down the causeway. Macpherson,
determined not to lose what might otherwise contribute much to a favourite
dinner, coolly, and as steadily as possible, set about collecting the turnips,
and actually succeeded, to the astonishment of every one, in accomplishing his
object. On arriving with his load at the accustomed stair-foot, he shouted, as
usual, for Sodom and Gomorrah to render assistance ; and by their aid he and
his cargo eventually reached his apartments in safety.
There is another amusing anecdote told of this decayed, but still independent,
lawyer. The Governor of Edinburgh Castle had been in want of a respectable
cook, and applied to Mr. Creech, the bookseller, to do what he could to procure
one. Creech having found some difficulty in fulfilling the commission, felt
The origin of this saying is
attributed to Mr. Creech, bookseller, but afterwards became a standing remark with Macpherson.
1 A glass of claret was then equal in price to a peck of potatoes.
BIO GRAPH1 GAL SKETCHES. 159
considerably annoyed by the frequent messages from the Castle concerning the
much-wanted cook. One day the Governor’s black lackey came into the shop
to make the usual inquiry. The Bailie observed Macpherson pass the door at
the moment, and determining to get rid of his black tormentor by any means,
directed Mungo’s attention to the bacchanalian, who happened to be sober at the
time, it being then early in the forenoon. The servant, assured that Macpherson
was a cook in want of a situation, marched boldly after the lawyer, and giving
him a gentle tap on the shoulder, said “ The Governor wants to see you at the
Castle.”-u Just now 1” inquired Macpherson, his .countenance brightening up
with the anticipation of something to his advantage,-“ Soon as possible,”said
Mungo.
Macpherson immediately returned to the West Bow, cropped his beard of
three days’ standing, and, assisted by Sodom and Gomorrh, prepared for the
appointment. His sisters were equally on the tiptoe of expectation as to what
the Governor could possibly be wanting in such haste. Macpherson made various
conjectures, but in vain. Every suggestion appeared to him unlikely, save the
commencement of some important process, which nothing but his superior talents
could have pointed him out as the proper person to undertake. Brushed up, and
bedecked in something like the style of his better days, the renovated Writer to
the Signet hurried to the Castle, and was ushered into-the lobby ! where, to his
astonishment, he was desired to wait till the Governor came. This, to a W.S.,
was the reverse of courtesy ; but he naturally supposed the apparent incivility
arose from the ignorance of the lackey, and imagined the mistake would soon
be rectified by the Governor himself. “ Well, have you
got a character?” was his first salutation. ‘‘ A character !” said Macpherson,
astonished beyond measure at such a question being put to a lawyer. “ Why,
what do you mean by a character I”-“ Have you not got a character P” repeated
the Governor. “TO be sure I’ve got a character ! ’’ replied Macpherson,
still more astonished. “Where is it then, can’t you show it Z”-“ Show it !”
reiterated the lawyer, his bluff cheeks colouring with a sense of insult, “ there’s
not a gentleman in Edinburgh but knows me !’I--“ That may be,” said the
Governor, “but no one should presume to ask a place without having a character
in his pocket.”--“ The d-1 take the place-what place have I solicited?
Why, I was sent for to speak with the Governor.”--“ What are you P” said the
latter, at last conceiving the possibility of a mistake. “I’m a Writer to the
Signet,” answered Macpherson, with corresponding dignity of manner. “Writer
to the Signet ! astonishing-this is all a mistake-1 wanted a Cook ! ”-‘‘ Confound
you and your cook both!” vociferated the indignant W.S., turning on his
heel and hurrying off to drown his mortification in a meridian libation.
Nothing so easily irritated Macpherson in after times as any allusion to this
unlucky incident.
There was one redeeming virtue in the character of Macpherson rarely to
be found in professional men, and least of all in such a character ag himself,
which speaks more than language can do for the natural goodness of his heart,
The Governor came.
