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Kay's Originals Vol. 1

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Volume 8 Page 5
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BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHES. 5 Failing, however, in every attempt to provoke the hostility of Government, and thinking, in his despair of success, that if he could once again get within the walls of a jail, it would be at any rate something gained, and that his incarceration might lead to the result he was so desirous of obtaining, he fell on the ingenious expedient of running in debt to his landlady, whom, by a threat of non-payment, he induced to incarcerate him. This delightful consummation accordingly took place, and the Laird was made happy by having so far got, as he imagined, on the road to martyrdom. It was a very easy matter to get the Laird into jail, but it was by no means so easy a one to get him out again. Indeed, it was found next to impossible. No entreaties would prevail upon him to quit it, even after the debt for which he was imprisoned was paid. There he insisted on remaining until he should be regularly brought to trial for high treason. At last a stratagem was resorted to, to induce him to remove. One morning two soldiers of the Town Guard appeared in his apartment in the prison, and informed him that they had come to escort him to the Justiciaryqourt, where the Judges were assembled, and waiting for his presence, that they might proceed with his trial for high treason. Overjoyed with the delightful intelligence, the Laird instantly accompanied the soldiers down stairs, when the latter having got him fairly outside of the jail, locked the door to prevent his re-entering, and deliberately walked off, leaving the amazed and disappointed candidate for a halter to reflect on the slippery trick that had just been played him. The Laird, after this, having, it would seem, abandoned all hope of being hanged, betook himself to an amusement which continued to divert him during the remainder of his life. This was carving in wood, for which he had a talent, the heads of public personages, or of any others who became special objects of his dislike, and in some cases, of those, too, for whom he entertained a directly oppdsite feeling; thus, amongst his collection were those of the Pretender, and several of his most noted adherents. These little figures he stuck on the end of a staff or cane, which, as he walked about, he held up to public view. His enemies, or such as he believed to be such, were always done in a style of the most ridiculous caricature. The Laird exhibited a new figure every day of the year, and as this was expected of him, the question, “ Wha hae ye up the day, Laird ? ” was frequently put to him, when he would readily give every information on the subject required. When the Print to which this notice refers was first exhibited, the Laird retaliated by mounting a caricature likeness of the limner on his staff; and when asked for the usual information demanded in such cases, “ Don’t you see it’s the barber 1 ” he would reply ; “ and wasn’t it a wise thing of him when drawing twa daft men, to put a sodger between them?” On another occasion, meeting the Honourable Henry Erskine one day as he was about to enter the Parliament House, of which the Laird was a great frequenter, the former inquired how he did : ‘‘ Oh, very wee1 ! ” answered the Laird ; but I’ll tell ye what, Harry, tak’ in Justice wi’ ye,” pointing to one of the statues over the old .
Volume 8 Page 6
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